Neither
Stu nor I could believe that we were even in this position; we didn’t smoke,
drink or use drugs. This was far from our comfort zone. We spent countless
hours re-hashing her life, what we should have done better, what we did wrong
and what we should have done differently, all the while blaming each other.
This was our child, so it had to be our fault!
What
happened to our baby? We named her after my beloved grandmother so that
unconditional love would be part of her being. She was swaddled in a pink
blanket made by Stu’s mother, to add sweetness and gentility to her life and my
mother gave her a huge Raggedy Ann doll for protection. Jaime was the sweetest
and most Bohemian of our children. She strived for originality even in
elementary school. Her fashion whims would have even impressed her idol, Cindy
Lauper, as would her musical talent. We had such hope for our child. At age
thirteen, at her Bat Mitzvah, Stu and I offered her advice: “Consider all that
life offers and choose wisely so that you can strengthen the values which
define you as an individual. We offer all our love, support and guidance to
help you complete the precious collection of ideas and feelings which make you
the unique and wonderful person you are.” I missed those days of innocence and
hoped she would choose wisely.
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