A Great Review-Thank You!

5.0 out of 5 stars An important and valuable book for any parent of teenagers, March 5, 2014

By 

jennie Morris - See all my reviews

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This review is from: Fifth Child: The Turbulent Path That Led to Parenting Our Child's Child (Paperback)

This is a harrowing story, sometimes hard to read because the outcome is so tragic. Lynne Gassel writes with a rare honesty about the ways she feels she may have failed her daughter and herself. She never tries to rationalize or equivocate. What she learned about addiction and her insights into codependency and raising a grandchild after tragedy strikes make this book a valuable read not only for parents of known substance abusers, but for all parents of children entering their teen years.

AMAZON REVIEW:5.0 out of 5 stars A heart-wrenching and inspirational story

5.0 out of 5 stars A heart-wrenching and inspirational story ..., March 6, 2014 By  Nancy S. Baxter - See all my reviews Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?) This review is from: Fifth Child: The Turbulent Path That Led to Parenting Our Child's Child (Paperback) Lynne Gassel shares a personal tale of family tragedy, resilience and ultimate triumph. Her incredible journey is told in an honest, no-nonsense and conversational way that carries the reader on every twist and turn of her emotional roller coaster ride. It must have been difficult but cathartic to write about these trials and tribulations. Even if one hasn't dealt with issues of a child's addiction, this is an important book for any parent to read.

Oh, No...Long Division!

For many empty nesters in our age group, math problems (unless tallying up what you spent on groceries) are a thing of the past. Not in my household or other households where grandparents are raising grandchildren. It's our "now" and one of the most dreaded tasks that is back to taunt and challenge us. Long division? Converting fractions? What's a rhombus again? We can't even remember what we went to the refrigerator to get and now we have to dig up something we never liked in the first place. Plus we have to seem like experts because these kids are relying on us! I can tolerate packing the daily lunch box, having a catch while my knees ache and play never-ending Nerf wars; but help with math? Nooooooooo, please!

First, my husband, the engineer sat with Brady to help him. When I looked at Brady's worksheet, my husband had written out what looked like hundreds of problem variations, much like I'd imagined something Albert Einstein would do! Brady was in tears. So now it was my turn to try to help him understand how to convert fractions. I was in a sweat. Suddenly, me, the artist and average math student began to remember how to do it. But explain it to Brady? Miraculously, as I was figuring it out, I did some small drawings to show him the steps and he began to get it. I don't know who was more excited -Brady or me.

It took us over an hour to do the problems. Would I rather be watching "American Idol" or reading a good book or be taking a leisurely bath? Sure. When I was an empty nester for a fleeting moment, that would have been my answer. But to see the delight on our little boy's face that he could do this and for the elation in my heart that I could do this with him; I wouldn't have it any other way. Bring on the calculus!

Carry the Message, Not the Addict -A Meditation

I have tried to convey this message to people in my life who don't understand addiction and its power over people. It's up to the addict -and only the addict- to decide on recovery. 


Carry the message, not the addict

“They can be analyzed, counseled, reasoned with, prayed over, threatened, beaten, or locked up, but they will not stop until they want to stop.”
—NA Basic Text, p. 62

Perhaps one of the most difficult truths we must face in our recovery is that we are as powerless over another’s addiction as we are over our own. We may think that because we’ve had a spiritual awakening in our own lives we should be able to persuade another addict to find recovery. But there are limits to what we can do to help another addict.
We cannot force them to stop using. We cannot give them the results of the steps or grow for them.
However, if we refuse to try to exert this power over another’s addiction, we may help them. They may grow if we allow them to face reality, painful though it may be. They may become more productive, by their own definition, as long as we don’t try and do it for them. They can become the authority on their own lives, provided we are only authorities on our own. If we can accept all this, we can become what we were meant to be—carriers of the message, not the addict.

Two at Once

I'm sorry I haven't felt like posting. The death of my mom brought up the death of my daughter. When mourning my mom, it occurred to me that I never took the time to mourn my daughter. She passed 4-1/2 years ago but I was so immersed in raising her little boy, trying to stay strong and positive that I neglected something very important. Of course, at the time of her passing, I was distraught but also angry at her disease and what it took from our family. I blamed her at the time and not the disease. Through my relationship with a site called "The Addict's Mom," I've learned so much, especially about loving and about forgiveness. now I'm ready to mourn her in the way she deserved. My mom's death was shocking and no one wants to lose a mother. However, it brought me closer to my daughter and to myself. I am saying the mourner's kaddish for two, I am grateful to have had them in my life and it's making me whole.

Back Soon

I've been away. Sadly, my Mom passed on somewhat unexpectedly and we flew back east for the funeral. We returned last night and I will post soon. Thanks for your patience.

ALMOST 10

There are many times raising a child (grandchild) at our ages makes us weary, to say the least. However, experiencing the joy that only a child can bring takes it all away.

This morning, after packing Brady's lunch, making sure he brushed his teeth, took his vitamins, ate breakfast and remembered his viola (which he nearly forgot) because he has a school concert, today; I walked him to school. There I heard happy noises -kids laughing and talking on the playground and it made me smile, as I waved goodbye and wished Brady a good day in class. On the way home, two neighbors my age passed me in their cars and waved. All I could think about was how happy and grateful I was at that moment because I had a young child in my life to give me joy that they don't get to experience each day in their aging years.

We've been with Brady since birth, got guardianship when he was 3 and adopted him when he was 7. He turns 10 in a couple weeks. Thank you for the joy.