Love These 5-Star Reviews!

5.0 out of 5 stars Love this book! Honestly written and compelling to read!, March 6, 2014

By 

Darcy - See all my reviews

This review is from: Fifth Child: The Turbulent Path That Led to Parenting Our Child's Child (Paperback)

I loved this book! So well written and compelling to read. I read the whole thing in 2 days. Couldn't put the book down!! Life does not always turn out as one would hope. This book helped me see that there is good in every situation and that growth comes from the moments where we are challenged the most.

Remember to Ride A Rocket Ship

The following story caught my attention. It made me smile, it made me teary and it made me remember to make it fun. Enjoy!

I wanted to share a post my husband made this morning. We have custody of our granddaughter who is 4 and a half. Tom came into our lives when Marley was 2 and while it was sometimes a tumultuous ride during her terrible 2's and 3's, the two of them have formed a very special bond. This story just highlights how special:

I'm off work today and Renee asked me if I would take Marley to day care. I really didn't want to at first, but then decided it would help Renee get to work on time and it would give me some one-on-one time with Knarley Marley.

As I'm putting the car seat in the car, Marley asks, "Is that a rocket chair?"

I started to give the usual, “No, it’s your car seat.” I caught myself and smiled, “It sure is! Are you ready to blast off?”

The delighted smile that followed would have melted the polar ice caps.
I get her buckled in and I run through a system start up of our ship. I look at Marley in the rear view mirror and ask, “Are we ready to ignite the main engines, captain?”
She giggles and squeals, “Yeah!”

I put my hand on the ignition key and start a countdown from 5. Marley joins in at 3 and it’s, “…3...2…1…IGNITION!” I start the car and she’s all grins.

I back out of the drive way into the alley and stop. I look back at Marley, “We are clear for launch. Launch in 5…4…3…2…1…” I punch the accelerator which throws Marley back into her seat. Oh my word, the squeal of delight was nearly deafening. Of course I had to punch it to create the launch effect…it was for Marley’s enjoyment. Ok… I admit it… I haven’t “punched it” in years and some of the deafening squeal MIGHT have been me. (In all seriousness, it was a small punch, just in case someone else was pulling out of their driveway too.)

As we “rocket” down the alley Marley starts saying, “Look at that planet. Oooo… look at that planet. That one is a tiny planet…”

As we are pulling out on to the main road Marley breathlessly asks, “Are we in outer space?”

“We sure are!” I point to the other cars, “Look at all the spaceships up here with us, Marley…er…Captain.”

The drive to the day care consisted of Captain Marley noticing that all the “ships” on the other side of space(the road) were going the wrong way and that only we were going in the right direction. At one point I hit a bump in the road and Marley asked, “What was that, Opa?” I grinned at her in the rearview mirror and replied, “Space turbulence.” She nodded as though it made perfect sense to her.

We docked with her daycare and I got her safely transferred to her next duty station.
On the drive back to the house it hit me. I really didn't want to take her to daycare, but I am so glad I did. Marley turned a mundane event into a tiny little adventure.

I used to be that way. I used to find delight in almost any situation. Growing up, sadly, makes us lose that ability to make anything fun. I miss that part of me that disappeared as I grew up. It’s something I am definitely going to work on resurrecting. Maybe not to the level Marley is, that’s an exclusive ability rewarded to the children who haven’t been saddled with the burdens of a grown up. However, I can certainly bring a little bit of the wonder of a child back into my thought processes. It won’t be easy in face of everything an adult faces on a day to day basis, but if I can accomplish just a little bit of that wonderment, it might just lighten the load a little bit.

Thank you Marley. Thank you for the exciting voyage to your daycare space station and for reminding this old man what it means to have a little fun every now and then.

HOW TO PREPARE THE CHILDREN?

If any of you reading this are grandparents raising grandchildren due to your child's addiction; do any of you worry that addiction might be in their future? If so, are you doing anything to prepare them to avoid this "first" choice?                                                                                                             

With 10 year-old Brady being the child of two addicts, I talk to him honestly about his propensity. Yes, addiction sometimes skips a generation, but what if it doesn't? Then it's like Russian roulette and it's better if he chooses not to play. I talk to him about his future peers. I let him know when they become hormonal (I have to explain what hormonal means), they go crazy and want to experiment with anything they can get their hands on, and what they might say to him to coerce him. They'll try to convince him how much fun it is -alcohol and drugs make you feel good. Then I explain that his birth mom felt that way but it immediately took hold of her brain and changed it. He often exclaims; "Why would anyone want to do drugs and do that to their brain?" I say it's because kids think nothing will ever happen to them -they're omnipotent. But no one is, especially if the addictive gene is in your body and you wake it up. It's better to say no in the first place and not take the chance. 

I don't want to harp on this and put that kind of energy out there but want him to have the knowledge and be prepared. What about any of you?

A Great Review-Thank You!

5.0 out of 5 stars An important and valuable book for any parent of teenagers, March 5, 2014

By 

jennie Morris - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)

This review is from: Fifth Child: The Turbulent Path That Led to Parenting Our Child's Child (Paperback)

This is a harrowing story, sometimes hard to read because the outcome is so tragic. Lynne Gassel writes with a rare honesty about the ways she feels she may have failed her daughter and herself. She never tries to rationalize or equivocate. What she learned about addiction and her insights into codependency and raising a grandchild after tragedy strikes make this book a valuable read not only for parents of known substance abusers, but for all parents of children entering their teen years.

AMAZON REVIEW:5.0 out of 5 stars A heart-wrenching and inspirational story

5.0 out of 5 stars A heart-wrenching and inspirational story ..., March 6, 2014 By  Nancy S. Baxter - See all my reviews Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?) This review is from: Fifth Child: The Turbulent Path That Led to Parenting Our Child's Child (Paperback) Lynne Gassel shares a personal tale of family tragedy, resilience and ultimate triumph. Her incredible journey is told in an honest, no-nonsense and conversational way that carries the reader on every twist and turn of her emotional roller coaster ride. It must have been difficult but cathartic to write about these trials and tribulations. Even if one hasn't dealt with issues of a child's addiction, this is an important book for any parent to read.

Oh, No...Long Division!

For many empty nesters in our age group, math problems (unless tallying up what you spent on groceries) are a thing of the past. Not in my household or other households where grandparents are raising grandchildren. It's our "now" and one of the most dreaded tasks that is back to taunt and challenge us. Long division? Converting fractions? What's a rhombus again? We can't even remember what we went to the refrigerator to get and now we have to dig up something we never liked in the first place. Plus we have to seem like experts because these kids are relying on us! I can tolerate packing the daily lunch box, having a catch while my knees ache and play never-ending Nerf wars; but help with math? Nooooooooo, please!

First, my husband, the engineer sat with Brady to help him. When I looked at Brady's worksheet, my husband had written out what looked like hundreds of problem variations, much like I'd imagined something Albert Einstein would do! Brady was in tears. So now it was my turn to try to help him understand how to convert fractions. I was in a sweat. Suddenly, me, the artist and average math student began to remember how to do it. But explain it to Brady? Miraculously, as I was figuring it out, I did some small drawings to show him the steps and he began to get it. I don't know who was more excited -Brady or me.

It took us over an hour to do the problems. Would I rather be watching "American Idol" or reading a good book or be taking a leisurely bath? Sure. When I was an empty nester for a fleeting moment, that would have been my answer. But to see the delight on our little boy's face that he could do this and for the elation in my heart that I could do this with him; I wouldn't have it any other way. Bring on the calculus!

Carry the Message, Not the Addict -A Meditation

I have tried to convey this message to people in my life who don't understand addiction and its power over people. It's up to the addict -and only the addict- to decide on recovery. 


Carry the message, not the addict

“They can be analyzed, counseled, reasoned with, prayed over, threatened, beaten, or locked up, but they will not stop until they want to stop.”
—NA Basic Text, p. 62

Perhaps one of the most difficult truths we must face in our recovery is that we are as powerless over another’s addiction as we are over our own. We may think that because we’ve had a spiritual awakening in our own lives we should be able to persuade another addict to find recovery. But there are limits to what we can do to help another addict.
We cannot force them to stop using. We cannot give them the results of the steps or grow for them.
However, if we refuse to try to exert this power over another’s addiction, we may help them. They may grow if we allow them to face reality, painful though it may be. They may become more productive, by their own definition, as long as we don’t try and do it for them. They can become the authority on their own lives, provided we are only authorities on our own. If we can accept all this, we can become what we were meant to be—carriers of the message, not the addict.